Lovesick Studio


Why see the world

Another week has somehow passed since I last posted. Time feels like a completely imagined construct sometimes. How is it possible that I seem to not really recall how I spent the past week and yet time seems to stand still in my human resource management class (I say this because only infinite time would make someone try and mentally list all the possible lives he or she might have had if one minute, seemingly insignificant decision had been made differently, like I did). Can't say that that was the highlight of my week. 

Something did happen a few days ago that sort of got me thinking. I met this girl at an event who is, for lack of a better description, the paragon of humanity, perfect, an example of someone who 'has it all'. That sounded a bit creepy but she was truly very intelligent, worldly, accomplished professionally, personable, beautiful, and super young. Next to her, I felt like (and kind of physically resembled) a mass of indiscernible flesh. It definitely sounds like I was feeling very bad about myself, which was kind of the case, but I was more intrigued by the idea of whether or not this person just seemed perfect in my mind or whether or if there are characteristics that we all strive for. 

From the time we're born, people are constantly telling us how we should be: ambitious, outgoing, clever, and attractive. But of course none of this matters if you're not successful. Obviously, it's completely unrealistic for most people to fulfil even half the widely accepted notions of the 'ideal'. And whenever we don't fulfil one (or more), is another reason for us to be plagued with self-doubt and low self-worth. I might be dramatising the situation, but if you think about it, most people are trying to change their life in one way or another. Some people force themselves to further their education, force themselves to go out, force themselves to work out; all of these things may not necessarily be efforts to improve ourselves but efforts to make ourselves into what we think we should be. So we really should be asking: should we be self-accepting or self-reforming? 

While it's wonderful to have a million good things come together and be like that girl I met, most of us don't even come close. And rather than trying to have it all, I think that sometimes it's better to accept our shortcomings instead of trying to change. We can all improve but sometimes it's painful to fight those flaws, especially when we all have desirable traits. One of my friends said to me recently that she likes people with a chip on their shoulder because they're more interesting and don't take themselves as seriously. I'm not sure of what exactly is meant by a 'chip' but regardless of a big or small chip, as long as it ain't broken, then it's fine with me.