Life Update: Movin' Too Fast
Life has been in quite a rush recently, going from one change to another without giving me a second to breathe. In the past few months, it feels as if all the important milestones I've been looking forward to my entire young adulthood are happening at once. Exciting, yes. But in all the years of anticipation, I never expected this moment to come, or that I would one day have to actually make these decisions. Do you ever get this feeling?
I've been adult-ing hard in the past few months; I know this to be true because things I used to care so much about seem less significant. What is FOMO? That concern rarely creeps up anymore. But what I do fear is not working hard enough towards my goals and not giving enough to the people I care about. I fear not learning from my mistakes, not growing as a person.
Some of you will know that I'm an engaged woman now, which - naturally - is the ultimate catalyst into real adulthood (for me personally at this point in my life, not to say marriage equivocates to adulthood). It's been a surreal time, and quite frankly often a positive mind-fuck as I adjust to the idea of lifelong coupling.
My now fiancé and I had been dating for more than 5 years when we got engaged, so I didn't think engagement or even marriage would change much in our relationship. We were living together and committed. Little did I know it would completely shift the way I saw him and what we meant to each other. The public acknowledgement that we would be lifelong companions ignited a recognition in me, a sense of responsibility that's both intimidating and comforting.
Intimidating, because I now look at my actions from a long-term perspective, wanting desperately to set the foundations for maintaining a healthy and loving approach for all situations. This has meant taking a hard look at my tendencies towards knee-jerk reactions or acting on impulse. It's meant seeing his happiness as my responsibility because that's what commitment dictates - mutual support to nurture a shared life.
Comforting, because I can expect the same from him.
I'm not going to sit here and pretend I know the first thing about what's to come. Whatever people consider marriage to be marred by - distrust, disappointment, complications - are irrelevant to me. Everyone has something to say, but no one's opinion applies specifically to my relationship. I'm looking forward to making this experience my own, and hopefully learning and growing as I go.
In honour of this announcement, which took me a while to finally garner the resolve to share, I uploaded a new essay for Based on a True Life dedicated to my new fiancé for those who want to check it out.
Thank you for reading, as always.